I’ve been considering my views on marriage a lot lately. Mostly because I want to start a family sooner rather than later, and I want to know whether I feel I should be married before, after or not at all. But also because…. I know he wants to get married & I’m not sure if I do.
(NB. I know where I’d get married if I decided I wanted to - see http://www.ickworthwestwing.co.uk/gallery.htm. I’d never been there before, and yet I knew it’s where I’d get married. I’ve been like that about things before; I’d never been to Paris before 2009, yet I knew it was my favourite place in the world - in fact, I felt so strongly about it that I cried when I first saw her. Anyway, we drove past Ickworth House on our way back from Birmingham at the weekend, and randomly decided to stop there, and yes, it is where I would get married… if I ever decided it was worth it.)
So, back to the actual point, I used to think I needed to get married before having children, and yet recently, my views on that have changed. Just like my views on so many, more superficial, things such as Smart cars, tattoos, girls, meat etc…
I think the only reason I’d want to get married was if/when I have children, so I would have the same last name as them, and we’d be a family. Outside of that, I don’t see that as partners, we have any need to get married. Although, legally I don’t know what rights we would have as cohabitees rather than spouses, Chris is down as my next of kin, and my family know what they would need to do in certain situations - Chris comes first.
I’ve always liked the idea of being married and thought of it as this huge, massive commitment, but the last few years have shown me otherwise. Both of Chris’s sisters got married within a year of each other, the latest one a year ago this month in fact, and both are now divorced/divorcing. Possibly not such a huge shock, considering recent statistics (one in ten marriages don’t make it past 5 years, and 45% will ultimately end in divorce - timesonline) but.. let me add to the story… the younger of the sisters had been with her partner 5 years before they got married, they were happily married for only slightly over a year before she moved in with someone else… Chris’s older sister had been with her partner well over 10 years, they got married in February 2010 and her husband had an affair and left her within a few months.
Both have rocked my faith in marriage and love. I don’t believe in true love, The One, soul mates, all that crap. It’s impossible. (pretty much the same reason I don’t have a religion - I can’t believe in something that makes no sense) But I do believe in the power of love. (The power of lovvvveee… a force from abovvvve… sorry..)
I really thought that marriage should be forever. But how can I say that when I don’t believe in true love?